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Subject: Jokes
Replies: 34 Views: 1670

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:34am
What a laugh heres sum funny jokes *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:42am
Paddys wife goes 2 doctor saying that after 10 yrs shes never ed. The Doc says relax & use a fan 2 keep cool durin s*x. Paddy refused 2 pay 4 a fan & asks his mate to wave a towel while they made love, but still she didnt . Nxt day she asks Paddy to swap over & so paddys mate made love 2 her & after 20 mins o the best mind blowing s*x she'd ever had, she s. Paddy looks @ his mate and said & that, my son, is how 2 flap a ing towel. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:44am
A girl talks her boyfriend into tryin a new drink.
She orders a salt shaker, a shot of Baileys Irish Cream and a shot of lime juice.
First u put a bit of salt on ur tongue, then u drink the shot of Baileys (mmm, smooth, rich and very nice he thinks)
Finally he drinks the lime juice and in 1sec the sharp lime hits his taste buds,at 2secs the Baileys curdles, at 3secs the salty curdled taste turns into mucous and finally at 4secs it triggers his gag reflex but being manly he swa11ows the foul tastin drink. What the hell was that called?
She smiles sweetly at him and grins...' REVENGE'! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:46am
2 married men are out drinkin 1 says i can never sneak into my house after ive been out no matter how quiet i am my wife still wakes & nags me his friend replies do what i do slam the front door stamp up the stairs jump into bed slap her a*se & say how about a bet shes in sleepin then *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:49am
Selling biscuits for 27p thats asda price... Selling toys for 99p thats fisher price... Selling pathetic rape stories to the press... Thats katie price ! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:50am
Imagine if all retailers started making their own condoms & kept their own name...

Tesco Condoms, Every Little helps.

Nike Condoms, Just Do It.

Peugeot Condoms, The Ride Of Your Life.

KFC Condoms, Finger l*cking Good.

Duracell Condoms, Just Keep Going & Going & Going.

Pringles Condoms, Once You Pop You Can't Stop.

Burger King Condoms, Home Of The Whopper.

Andrex Condoms, Soft Strong & Very Long.

Mcdonald's Condoms, I'm Loving it.

Polo Condoms, The One With The Hole.. OH !

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:52am
Paddy's getting mugged by 4 blokes & he puts up a great fight, but in the end, 3 of them hold him down & the 4th goes through his pockets. All he had was 40p. The muggers said you put up that fight for just 40p - why did you bother? Paddy said I taut you was afta the 500 I've got hidden in me shoe. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:53am
Recession beater: Wife says 2 husband,if u cycle 2 work we cud get rid of the 2nd car Husband replies,if u took it up the a*se we cud get rid of the nanny! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:55am
Postman is retiring & on his last round, he gets a bottle from one house, cigars from the next, the third house mrs jones is waiting n her nightdress! She drags him upstairs makes mad passionate love to him then brings him down for a huge fry up. The postman sees a fiver under his cup & asks what's this. Woman explains, we were talking about what to get u & my husband said him, give him a fiver! The breakfast was my idea! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:56am
A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: this is the pig i have to when you're not up for s*x. His wife says: I think you'll find that's a sheep. He says: I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:57am
Paddy dies an goes 2 hell, devil shows him 3 doors, pick 1 where u'll spend eternity, Paddy looks b'hind 1st door. Boilin water was dripping in from the ceiling, 2nd door has hot coals on the floor 2 walk on, 3rd door, an old man was gettin a from busty naked blond. i'll take door 3says Paddy, devil taps blonde on shoulder, u can go now, Paddy's takin over! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:58am
Young bloke pulls older woman at club.She's 61 but looks v good 4 her age. On way bak 2 her house bloke is thinking mmm I bet her daughter is hot. When out of th blue she asks if he'd like a Sportsman's Double? Wats that? he asks. Its a Mother & daughter she says. WOW YES PLEASE So as they go in her front door, she puts hall light on & shouts..... Mum are u still awake? *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 12:59am
Finally there is proof that a dog is a mans best friend . Put your wife and dog in the boot of your car, leave them for a couple of hours and see who looks the happiest to see you ! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:01am
A dad on his way home wants to buy his daughter a barbie. He stops at a toy store and noticed that there was a shopping barbie, a beach barbie, disco barbie which were all 19 95 but a divorce barbie was 265 65.why is this one more?asks the man. The salesman answersthats because divorce barbie comes with ken's car, ken's house, ken's boat, ken's computer, ken's furniture and one of ken's in' friends! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:02am
Researchers have discovered that excessive can cause dyslexia. Hwoeevr, tihs is olny in etxreem caess of slef aubse.

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:03am
Girls reaction to sizes-
9 oh s**t pain
8 b gentle
7 oh yes
6 perfect
5 ok,it wil do
4 push more
3 is it in
2 just use ur in tongue! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:04am
A little boy is stood on a clifftop looking down at the sea & crying his eyes out.A priest approaches and says 'My child, y r u crying?Little boy says My mummy & daddys car rolled over the cliff with them in it & smashed on the rocks below.'' The priest slowly looks around him while undoing his flies & says ''Just not ur day is it son?'' *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:05am
Irishman, aussie and glaswegian in a bar spot Jesus sat on his own. They each send him a drink and Jesus sups each pint slowly. When he's finished he walks over 2the irishman, shakes his hand and thanks him 4the guiness. Blimey sez the irishman, my arthritis has gone. Jesus then thanx the aussie 4the fosters. Crikey he sez. My bad backs cured. Jesus approaches the glaswegian who runs away screaming OFF. I'M ON DISABILITY BENEFIT!!! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:06am
Couple at the zoo,passing the gorilla cage the silverback became excited by the woman in her mini skirt n tight tube.Hubby says 'go on tease him!' she rubs her t*ts,runs her hands up her legs 2 her crutch,suks on her finger driving the gorilla wild.The hubby takes her hand,opens the cage door.pushes her in and says, 'Now tell HIM u got a in headache!' *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:07am
In a recent survey into s, and why men like them so much, 6% liked the feeling, 12% liked the excitement and 82% just like the ing silence. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 01:10am
A new womans vibrator is on the market, its so realistic that just b4 she reaches climax, it coughs,farts,goes limp, then switches off! *

mrdavid 2.10.09 - 01:19am
lol ab excellent.keep em c*min plz x *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:13pm
2 unemployed irish men See a sign in police station window. 'TWO BLACK MEN WANTED FOR RAPE'. Paddy says ing nigaz get all the best jobs *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:14pm
One good thing about getting older is that multi-tasking becomes easier. You can sneeze, pi*s, and s**t yourself at the same time. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:20pm
2 Nuns r bein raped down a country lane. 1st nun says 4give them Lord 4 they know not what they're doing.The 2nd Nun shout's Ohhh my god! this fka does! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:23pm
Father Duffy walks into the convent and sees sister rose washing the kitchen floor. He's overcome with desire and pushes her onto the ground. As he's her the Rev Mother comes in.
'SISTER ROSE!!!' she roars 'Have some respect. Arch your back girl and keep Father Duffy's ba11s off the wet floor!! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:25pm
if you hit a a*senal fan at 20 mph he'll live, if you hit a a*senal fan at 30 mph theres still a good chance he'll live, BUT, if you stopped driving like a t**t and put your foot down and went over 40 mph, theres a ing good chance you'll kill the c**t ! THINK before u SLOW DOWN! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:29pm
A man goes to bed and reaches over to his wife. Starts sliding his hand slowly across her shoulders then down her side just glancing her then carries on down her side and legs. He slides her legs apart and slowly runs his hand up and down the inner side of her thighs. He slows and moves back towards the top and stops as his wife gasps why have you stopped? He replies Ive found the remote. Go back to sleep. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:31pm
Eric & Tim are having
I have Aidssays Eric, what?!?! says Tim.
I don't reallysays Eric
I just like the way your a*se tightens when I say it!

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:32pm
2 tourists drivin thru Wales. At Llanhyfryddawelllehynafolybaarcudprindanfygogogof,they stop 4lunch& 1tourist asked the waitress,B4 we order, could u please settle an argument 4us?Would u please pro nounce where we are.....very slowly? The blonde waitress leaned over&said, Burr-gurr-Kinng. *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:34pm
Felt a bit fed up today so to cheer mysel up i watched my wedding video backwards.. I love the end bit where i take the ring off go back down the ailse jump in the car and off! *

ab23672a 2.10.09 - 11:35pm
Paddy phones for ambulance as his mate's been hit by car. Operator asks where the accident is. He says outside 28 Eucalyptus rd. He's asked: How do you spell that? The line goes quiet for 5 minutes. Operator gets a bit worried. Then Paddy says sorry about that, I've just dragged him to number 3 oak st *

mrdavid 3.10.09 - 12:23am
awesum x *

adamu 5.11.09 - 07:13pm
A guy goes to the supermarket and a beatiful woman says hello.He's rather taken aback,because he can't place her.So he says,Do you know me? to which she replies, I think you're the father of one of my kids Now his mind travels back to the only time he's ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, My God,are you the stripper from my bachelor party that got me excited we had it right there on the pool table with all my buddies spraying whip cream on us? She looks into his eyes and calmly says,No, actually I'm your son's maths teacher *

ab23672a 5.06.11 - 05:39pm
QLiU85aM0FEOV3JDSUD4.gif *

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